as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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