We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
