he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life