I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
