I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.