I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
