Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
