sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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