I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize