I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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