Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
