I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
