It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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