The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
