how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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