Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
