Capitaan dildo arrescate!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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