I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
