i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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