Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
