Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
