drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you never un-have a 4some
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I want is dick and wine.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
