hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
