They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
soo... how was my night?
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