my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
