i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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