Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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