I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
