she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
