Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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