apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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