I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
