were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
