ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
