i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
