we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
