Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
