no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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