the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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