Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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