yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
