If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
