mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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