So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
