i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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