i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
