On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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