question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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