My room smells like vodka and shame
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
