im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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