Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
