her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
