You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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