I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
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Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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