So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I looked at my own cervix.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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