can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
