It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
