Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
