Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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