I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
