Moan for me like Helen Keller
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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