you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
