i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
