isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
