Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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