he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
