I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize