so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
