i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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