if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
