so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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