I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
