This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
